What is and never should be
by Melanie Swirls
Summary: Haunted by strange dreams since she was a child, Amelia sets forth for the titans & they make her into a hero. Love comes easier then she would have wished, but with one encounter with a villian she finds herself wondering whats really wrong.RedX/Oc/robin
1. Prologue

**Authors note: Salutations! I've got my newest fanfic up, and obviously I'm going to try my best to update on time (and since its Summer I'm guessing I'll do quite a good job!) Anyways, this is a Red X/OC/Robin story, so please don't be angered by the oddness of it because honestly it's inevitable. Please enjoy the PROLOGUE (So it IS shorter than the real chapters) **

**Peace in!**

**Mel Swirls!**

**Ps: A virtual cookie goes out to the person who can guess where the title comes from!**

**Teen titans: What is and never should be **

Prologue

When you're running for your life, you don't stop to think. It's common knowledge for any person who wants to avoid the law or avoid people in general. But I was doing both of those while running for my life, and I was still stopping to look out at the wide Atlantic Ocean and I only had one thought that even passed by; Man, do I hate it here.

I kept a strong gaze at the ocean. I hated it here. I hated living with my dad and my sister, Blade. I hated having to leave my mom all the way in Fredericton. But most of all, I hated that I didn't even have enough room to breathe inside this carcass of a body.

Breathing, now that's something I haven't done in awhile.

I kept looking at the ocean. Somewhere in between my thought and my running, I started to walk towards it.

The wind made my brown hair fly back. No, not this torture again! I watched as I lost complete control of my body. I felt like someone watching from the outside. My vision began to fog up. Please, anything but this torture! I watched as my body stopped directly in front of the blue sea.

I stopped and watched with intent for a few seconds. Why hadn't my body fell into the sea yet? Normally, it took a mere 10 seconds for my body to fall in the water and let the waves engulf it. I don't think I was enjoying the process of waiting. I would have preferred being able to fall immediately so I could come back to my senses and cough up some sea water before going back to my dad's house while he and my sister, Melania lived in complete oblivion.

My light blue dress was blowing in the wind. It was drenched in blood. Some of it was mine, some of it wasn't.

Screaming. Never will I forget that voice that will always fallow me. It's her blood that's covering my dress. I only had a scratch. This blood was her's because it couldn't possibly be all mine. But what if it is?

Yelling. That's what I hear now. Yelling come from behind me. Coming from the general direction I was running from.

The foggy gaze became even thicker. Why can't I see? What was this cold object in my hand? What was my body doing? "Put the gun down, Amelia. We don't want to hurt you." I deep voice yelled. Had he spoken to me? I'm not even holding a gun, yet he spoke my voice.

My arm began to rise. It was the hand with the cold object in it. It chilled me to the bone. Please, just let me die! Please don't let me do it again! "We want to help you, Amelia. Let us help you." The same voice yelled. I wanted to scream at him to run away and hide. I can't control it. I could feel the tears filling my eyes and I could feel the bone chillingly cold gun, but besides those 2 things, I felt numb. More numb then I have ever felt before. Even more numb than usual.

"Don't you understand? I can't control it! Go away and hide!" I took control of my voice. I was trying to fight this. I needed to fight this. The fog was disappearing. Did I really beat it? Is it over? Thank god that I've beaten it! Thank god I- _"Don't waste your breath. I'm still here; I'm waiting for the right moment. I swear I'll be back to finish this off. Don't even try to beat me, because I'll kill you from the inside." _It called from inside my mind. I knew no one else could hear it. No one else was allowed to hear it. It was my danger and mine only.

"Please, Amelia, you can fight this! Put the gun down." Father's voice called. The fog disappeared completely from my eyes and I looked at him. I took in the scene with a rush. I was so afraid that he would take over again.

I dropped the gun. The wind blew my hair back still. The tears refilled my eyes and father ran over to me. He picked me up and brought me over to a police officer. I was so afraid. I was so horrible afraid that the numb feeling would come back.

"I don't know what we just witnessed, but she's 7, and of what we've heard, the killer has unbelievable strength and agility. A 7 year old couldn't have killed them the way they died." He said in a stern voice. My father nodded. He knew it wasn't over. "But for a 7 year old to have a gun, that's very bad parenting. I think that the girls should live with their mother while you take some parenting class." My father nodded, tears filling his eyes. The only thing I understood was that I was leaving this awful place. I was going to see Mommy.

Little did I know that going to my mother's was the worst possible thing for the numbing and the thing that would enrage _him _the most.

**Authors note: so how's that for a prologue? ANywaYS, TELL ME if you liked it! I wrote it during many French/math/science classes! Review!**

**Peace in!**

**Mel Swirls!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Amelia, are you paying attention to me?" Rayne asked as she grabbed her purse and math book out of her locker. "No. Sorry, please repeat." I said as I pushed by shaggy light brown bangs out of my eyes.

She pouted and sighed. "I said that we should go to the mall this Friday." She said before fallowing me out of the brick building called Fredericton High school. I hated going to the mall. It was busy and loud and there was too much wasted energy smacking people in the face and too many people there I wouldn't want to see anyways. "I can't go to the mall this Friday." I said quietly since I knew she was going to yell because I'm never available to do anything she considers fun. "Why must you always lock yourself in your room all weekend? You never go to the dances, you don't date, you don't go to parties, you don't go to football games, you aren't in any afterschool activities and the only times I've ever hung out with you outside of school was during summer when I invited you to my pool and even then you didn't go swimming!" I sighed and started walking down the street towards our houses. "I'm sorry I'm stuffy and no fun." I said simply. I didn't like to talk because when I did, I'd always make people think I'm crazy and even I think I'm crazy when _he _cuts in.

He. He's been there since I can remember. He always played some part in the choices I made, and he was what kept me on my toes every moment of the day. He is what made me double think. He was the reason I didn't want to be around other people and water.

Water. When I came back I refused to drink or bathe. The fact that _he _was still there and that water excited _him_ frightened me so much that even I had trouble understanding the fear. But the fear wasn't senseless. I wasn't crazy. And the mere fact that I have my very own inner demon proved nothing. All it did was invoke the emotion of fear and make my blood curl. There was nothing wrong with that.

"You're absolutely no fun at all! I don't even know why I'm your friend!" I sigh as I turn and give her an angry glare. Why did I even bother to try and please her? Why do I even hang around her? Oh right, because I wanted to be a loner, but I really wasn't. I needed to socialize. "I'm sorry, Rayne. I try my best and if that doesn't please you, then you can go die, because I really don't care." I tell her as I stop walking and pull out my iPod. I put the earphones in my ears and pretend to listen to music. I couldn't listen to really music. It was loud, annoying and distracting. I didn't need it. I could leave without it, and I have, so I'll keep it that way.

"You're ignoring me! Why do you always give up on talking to me? I need you to hear me out!" She yelled and I sighed. She knew I hated music, yet she thought I'd ignore her anyways. She really is stupid. Why couldn't she just shut the hell up and deal with it? Nevertheless, I pulled the earphones out of my ear and looked at her with an arrogant glare. "I'm not ignoring you. You know I don't like music. I'd choose you over someone screaming into a microphone about sex." I tell her like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Honestly, I thought it was pretty damn close. It's one of the major reasons I don't go to dances.

"You don't like music? What the hell is wrong with you, Amelia?" She shouted as she gave me an annoyed glare. Sometimes I think she's bipolar. I don't know though. Maybe she's just overly dramatic... She should start going out with Edward Cullen. They'd fit in right perfect. "Obviously everything is wrong with me. I'm just one fucked up kid." I tell her slightly sarcastically, because I knew it really was true, but that didn't mean I wanted her to know that.

"Peace, Melia. See you at the mall Friday." She says as she walks into her house and shuts the door. I sigh and keep walking before I reach my house.

What a boringly dull house; white siding slightly dirty, black roof and boringly green grass. My mom's thing was making people gawk in awe when they walked in and saw the extreme colour. The look they gave is priceless, but she takes more pleasure in that then anything else in life.

I opened the door and tried to take in all the exuberant colours. The carpet was lime green and the walls were some sort of blinding bright pink colour. There were paintings of absolutely nothing and exciting and odd furnisher everywhere. Blade, my perfect sister, was sitting on the orange couch, reading a magazine.

"Hey, Goth girl." She tells me as she glares at me with her perfect and cold blue eyes. She was wearing eyeliner, a shit load of mascara and green eye shadow with bright red lipstick, and I knew she looked pretty, what with her brown highlighted hair that looks like it belongs to a supermodel, prefect body, boobs, long tan legs and perfect nose, but I still couldn't come to like her. I couldn't like the Bitch Queen. Wonder why.

"Hey, Bitch Queen." My mother walked into the room and glared back and forth at me and Blade. Back and forth in between a miniskirt wearing, abercombie and fitch buying cheerleader, and good grades, black skinny jeans and black long sleeves, poetry loving Goth girl. "Why won't you two get along? And Amelia, watch your language." She said as she sighed and walked back out of the room like nothing even happened.

"Why don't you go into your little stupid fucked up room and stay there?" Blade asked as she twirled some of her hair in between her fingers. I glared at her before turning out of the room and running into a wall.

"Holy fucking shit that hurt." I said as I rubbed my forehead. I heard my stupid sister snort very unattractively from the other room as she yelled, "Talk about karma my unbrilliant sister!" I refrained from running in the living room and stabbing her thinking it would only help _him _get whatever he wanted me to do. Honestly, if _he_ wasn't there, she'd be so dead.

A tall blonde girl walked beside me. She had icy blue eyes and she was wearing and overly revealing tank top that she had obviously ripped a line in the chest area to show even more cleavage and way too short shorts that hugged her ass and looked like they cut the circulation off in her legs. She was pale and her hair was wavy that tumbled down in soft curls down her back. "Walk much, dumb ass?" she asked me as she walked by and towards my sister before walking back and bending down beside me. "Need help up?" she asked as she held me her hand. I nodded and grasped it carefully, thinking that this was some sort of prank or dare the bitch princess got her to do, but she pulled me off the ground quickly and kindly before smiling down at me. "Thanks." I told her quietly. It wasn't a whisper, but it was pretty damn close.

She nodded before walking towards my sister. They started chatting up like long lost friends.

I walked into my room without really thinking. I should probably start reading that new book of dark poetry that mom got me at the mall a week ago. She'll be offended if I don't read it at all.

I sat on my bed and looked around my room. It was the only room in my house that was excruciatingly empty of all colours. The void room. That's what I liked to call it, although Bitch girl thought that other things such as "the Gothic whore's room" and "The ugly Goth bitch's room". It's not like I don't deserve the entire "gothic" nickname, because I totally did. The rooms had black walls with white paint splatters thrown in the most random matter possible. The carpet was black, my bed frame was black, the bedspread and sheets were white with grey skulls, my curtains were ripped and black, my wardrobe with the dresser doors with mirrors was completely black, my floor-to-ceiling bookcase was white and my desks were all black with white stripes or white with black striped (I have 2 of them; One for my computer and one for writing.)

I slipped off of my bed and reached for the book of poetry off my shelf. Reading was one of the very few activities _him _and agreed on, because of his natural lack of liking happy things and because of my obvious distaste for anything involving emotions other than fear, hate and sadness.

Sooner or later, i was going to need to find help and a cure for my madness

**Authors note: So this is the first chapter! I thought it was pretty damn good but whatever! The teen titans will be coming in laters, probably next chapter or the one after that! Anyways i hope you liekd this chapter! I'll promise to update soon if you promise to review!**


	3. Chapter 2

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 2**

I put my book down and looked at my computer, which for some reason turned on.

I got up from my bed and walked over towards it cautiously. It had no reason to turn on. None whatsoever, yet, it turned on all by itself. Odd.

I sat down on my computer chair and watched the computer screen. Somehow the internet opened all by itself and typed the words "Become a Titan" into the search bar before bringing me to a site with a picture of a building shaped as a 'T' with several hundred teenagers and young adult in all sorts of costumes standing in front of it.

"_Get off the site. You aren't interested in becoming a hero." He _told me in an annoyed tone that sounded worried. Well, almost worried.

I did the exact opposite of what _he _told me to do and I scrolled down and read it out loud, "The Teen Titans is a one and a lifetime opportunity for teenage humans, robots and aliens with gifts, power or strength to come together and fight evil." I stopped reading and scrolled down. There was an address at the bottom of the web page of all the "titan Towers". The closest one to hear was in Steel City, which was only about ½ an hour drive from here.

I paused when I realized I was considering joining. I wasn't powerful, or special, but I was a human and I did want to beat _him. _Maybe they would accept me.

I looked around my room for a bag and reached for my black school bag with orange stitches on it. I packed everything I thought I was going to need and a few things such as my laptop, my Ipod and several books before looking around the room and shutting the light off.

"Good bye home." I said as I ran out of the room and down the stairs.

Blade was in the kitchen with her friend and Mom so slipping out of the house was no problem. I grabbed my and mom's purse on my way out before walking in the direction of the bus station. Tickets would be about 50$ for a one-way trip to Steel City.

Part of me couldn't believe I was doing this. I didn't even find the site, the site was shown to me, but my biggest question was by whom? Obviously somebody wanted me there with them.

I started to get annoyed with how long this was taking and started to run there. After a good 10 minutes of sprinting, I was at the bus station.

I ran to the counter and looked at the short lady sitting behind the desk. She had thick glasses and greasy, wiry brown hair and dull grey eyes. She must have been in her sixties and she looked excruciatingly annoyed with her job.

"What do you want, girly?" She asked in a low, husky voice that was strained from all the years she must have smoked. "One way trip to Steele City. Soonest as possible." I told her getting straight to the point. I had no time to waste and if I did, I wasn't going to waste it talking to her. "That'll be 45,49$, girly. Sign this please. The bus leaves in 20 minutes." She said as she passed me a form. I wrote down the required information before passing her the money. In return, she gave me a ticked with the bus number, date and time on it before pointing a seat out for me. "I'd sit there. That way you can see when the busses come in, kay' girly?" I nodded and took the seat she pointed out for me. She was really starting to piss me off.

I looked out the window and tapped my fingers impatiently against the glass. I'm guessing it'll be an hour-long bus ride, maybe an hour and a ½. I had no idea what I was going to do to entertain me during it, but I thought I could manage.

I didn't know what I was supposed to tell the "teen titans". I'm not even 100% sure what it is. I'm just going on a stupid limb and thinking that they could help me, or at least shelter me or something helpful like that.

I watched the bus pull in with the number "11" on it. I smiled and looked at my ticket which had the same number printed on it before getting up and slipping outside of the bus terminal.

The bus was a dark blue that was a few shades off navy with the bus company "Acadia transit" written on both sides in bright yellow letters. The number of the bus was written in the front and on both sides so it was easy to identify.

Once all the passengers that needed to get off got off, I slipped on and took the seat directly behind the bus driver. I was annoyed and extremely bored and I really needed to find something to do right now.

This is when I remembered my poetry book. I pulled it out of my school bag that I refused to leave in the luggage compartment and started to read. The bus filled in quite loudly, and soon enough, we were on out way.

"_You don't want to go to them. They can't help you. I own you. You are mine. They wont ever be able to free you from me." He _said and I shook my head. I was trying to clear my thoughts. I didn't want him lurking in the corner of them. I didn't need that right now, or ever for that matter. I wanted him gone, and I was willing to try this.

The bus drive when surprisingly fast, and soon enough I found myself in front of another bus terminal in a city I've only visited a few times as a child; Steel City.

I grabbed my mother's cell phone and looked through a phone book to find the number of any taxi business. The first one I found was "Steele City taxi cab business", so it was obviously that kind of taxi I jumped into.

The taxi was white with leather seats. The driver was a skinny man with long legs and tan skin. He had graying brown hair and a goatee and violet eyes that went great with his electrifying smile. He must have been in his forties and he looked like he lived a happy life.

"Where to, Sweetheart?" he asked in a nonchalant voice and I looked at the address. "T Tower." I told him simply and he eyed me carefully. "Are you a villain?" he asked and I shook my head. "No, I want to join." I told him carefully and he nodded before starting the car. "Ok than, Sweetheart, let's bring you to the teen titans." He said and he drove closer and closer to a tower shaped like a giant 'T' on a small island connected to everything else by a small bridge.

When we got there, I jumped out. And took a good look around. There was a small pond to the left and to the right a small forest, but in front of me, was a cold, metal, silver and black tower shaped like a 'T'.

I paid the man and he smiled. "Good luck, Sweetheart." He said and I walked towards the door. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to knock or something, but either way that was what I did.

I waited for a minute before tapping again, this time a little harder.

I could hear someone grumbling from the inside. Wait; actually it was a few people.

The doors slipped open and I found myself in front of 5 teenagers around my age that looked completely different. I actually froze for a second so I could take them all in individually.

There was one girl with long red hair and tan skin. She was the tallest girl. She had emerald green eyes and she was wearing a purple belly shirt, matching purple skirt and thigh high purple boots.

Then there was a short girl with deep purple hair and deepest violet eyes that were almost the darkest shade of blue. She was wearing a dark blue body suit with arms and the same colour cape with comfortable navy shoes. She had a gem belt around her waist and a gem chakra on her third eye.

There was also a short guy with dark green skin and deep green eyes. He was skinny and lanky and was wearing a purple and black outfit that looked like a uniform of some kind. He had a fanged smile and ruffled forest green hair.

There was another who was a black man that was actually part Cyborg. He had one glowing red eye and he had a large intimidating built.

The very last was a boy who was medium height with spiked black hair and a black mask. He wore a red and green costume and had black cape. He wasn't smiling at me, but I was definitely smiling at him. He was gorgeous.

"who are you and what do you want?" He asked.

**Authors note: So that's the second chapter! I hope you liked it! If you didn't , then suck it up! anyways please review!**

**Peace in!**

**Mel swirls!**


	4. Chapter 3

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 3**

I looked around nervously before saying, "I want to join the teen titans." Which didn't change the way they were looking at me so I started to get a feeling they were judging me. _"I told you that they wouldn't welcome you. You don't want to become a hero. You want to join forces with me." _I shook my head as if that would help clear my mind of all infamous thoughts that slipped in because of _him_. I needed a clear head.

"And who are you?" said the girl with the violet eyes in a dry emotionless tone. I pushed a strand or two of my hair behind my ear before answering, "Amelia." My voice was strained. I was nervous and my voice was coming out shaky and only slightly louder than a whisper. _"You aren't a hero. Stop this nonsense at once! I will take control once again, Amelia! Your mind and soul is just as weak." _

The girl with the violet eyes took a step back and stared at me. "What are you?" she asked as she gave me this glare that reminded me of every glare I've ever gotten from any of Blade's friends mixed into one.

I looked around as if I was trying to escape this question because I knew _He _made it so that I wasn't just human. I didn't know what that made me, or whom that was supposed to make me but whatever the answer was, _he _was still in my mind at every door, every window and every dark corner that my mind hadn't dared touch. "I think I'm human." I told them and I could see an eyebrow rise even beneath the guy with the spiky black hair's mask.

"What do you mean you 'think'?" he asked and I felt my knees go weak. This guy, he was hot! I could see myself falling for this kind of guy. "Well, I'm not entirely sure. Both my parents were human, but well see, I don't always think I am." I stuttered and screwed up on every other word but none of them noticed.

"Dude, she's cute, we should just let her join." Said the one with the green skin and I felt a blush creep on to my pale cheeks. "Man, if we do that to every misguided teenager we'll end up with a hell amount of chicks hanging around here." Pointed out the Cyborg guy and I watched as they started bickering until the girl with the purple hair screamed, **"enough!" **

We all turned and looked at her and she bowed her head so that her hair was covering her face. "Fine she can join. But we're still going to have to test her." Said the guy with spiky hair and mask. 

I smile grew on my face and the girl with red hair flew over and grabbed my hand. "Come new friend, let's celebrate by eating the chips of potato and eating the food of junk!" She said before literally dragging me inside.

The tower was amazing. The walls were all silver and black and everything was cold and industrial. There was a huge window that I soon learnt is also a giant TV/communication/computer thing. I didn't know what to make of it so I looked around else were.

There was a kitchen with the normal appliances as well as a sink full of dirty dishes that looked like they were growing mold. I gagged and looked at the table, which was also cold and clean before remarking that the doors were all automatic.

The redhead was looking through cupboards and the fridge for junk food and when she came back there was every kind of chocolate bar, candy and chips I've ever seen in my life. I reached for the sour watermelons since they were my all time favorite.

"So Amelia, where do you come from?" She asked and I shrugged. This is where I was going to stop being honest and give a vague answer. I didn't want them being able to find my home and contact my mom. "Little bit of everywhere." I told her as I shoved a few of the watermelons in my mouth. They really were delicious.

"Hey, what's you and your friend's names anyways? I forgot to ask when they asked for mine." I said and the redhead took a step back. "My name is Starfire. Raven is the friend with the purple hair, Cyborg is the Cyborg, Beast Boy is the one with the green skin and Robin is the friend with the mask." She told me and I nodded. I doubted I was going to remember any of their names except for Robin and Cyborg; Robin because it was the gorgeous guy's name, and Cyborg because it was pretty obvious.

"Cool. Thanks Starfire." She smiled and I walked out of the room. I was going to find Robin and ask him what the hell it is I'll do here. I felt really clueless at the moment and I doubt it was going to make anybody very happy with me if they expected something out of me and I had no idea what that thing they were expecting was.

"_These people will only lead you to your own doom. Nothing can help you. I've been here for too long. I know what I'm doing, Amelia. Why don't you just leave now and skip the entire process of being hurt and humiliated." _The voice slipped in through the unguarded cracks in my mind. _He _has infiltrated my mind once again. I didn't want to be the one who fallowed his orders.

I walked down a hall when I saw Robin. "Hey-lo." I said as I waved a small wave. "Hey." I pushed my hair out of my face and stopped walking, and when he noticed I did, he stopped too. "So where am I going to be sleeping?" I asked quietly. It was a pretty important question, but it made a new level of awkward hit us as soon as the words left my mouth. "For tonight, you can take the couch in the common room, we'll have your room ready for tomorrow." He told me and I smiled weakly, which was just as good as he was going to get it before turning so I could walk back to the common room beside him.

I put my bags down by the couch and started to walk around aimlessly. I found myself in front of a door that said, "Raven" on it in bold silver letters. I looked at the floor so that my hair was covering my eyes and purposely walked a little faster than usual. I didn't think she liked me, and it wasn't the fact that she didn't like me that made me not want to see her in a hallway alone, it was the fact that she wasn't the kind of person that would just punch you out, she planned how she'd hurt you carefully.

"Amelia." An emotionless voice from behind told me. I turned and saw the person I was trying to avoid, Raven. "Yeah, what?" I said as I tried to match the look she was giving me.

"What are you?" She asked as she took a step forward. Her eyes looking like she was searching for something and was ready to crack my head open and peer inside to find it. "I'm human." I said while I was half guessing myself still. Why was this so important? Couldn't I just be Amelia? Of course I couldn't, being me was never enough for anybody besides me.

"Liar." She told me, her voice barely louder than a whisper but the strength it contained frightened me more than _he _did. How could she have more power than _him_? That seems impossible. "What am I than, Raven?" I asked, lowering my voice as well, just to see how I'd be able to match it, and I'll admit that it was a fail.

She took a step back and straightened her body suit. "A demon?" she asked like she wasn't sure herself but it seemed quite probable. I just starred at her in surprise. I never thought about myself being a demon before. I always thought that was just what _he _was.

"I think you have me confused with someone else." I told her as I tried to walk past her to show I was finished but when I was beside her black magik shot up from the ground and there was a wall stopping me from going. "Your aura matches with a demon I knew." She told me and I stared at her blankly before toughing her magik wall, it turned pure white before disappearing.

I walked by and left her standing there starring at me gaped mouth. I tried hard not to stare gaped mouth with her but I managed to keep walking forward and aimlessly around the tower.

I found beast boy flipping through channels on the TV. I sat down beside him and hi flashed me what I guessed was his version of a sexy smile. "Do you wanna', I don't know, maybe come see a movie with me this Friday?" He asked in a nervous tone and my eyes went wide. I didn't want to be with anyone right now. I wanted to be able to control _him _before anything else, but if I said no now I'd probably never live it down. "I'll think about it," I tell him before getting up and walking outside of the tower.

I took my shoes off before walking barefoot in the grass. It felt wonderful beneath my feet.

I looked up at the sun and smiled. Maybe I could beat this thing and become a better person, fall in love, make some friends, change the world. I almost had hopes for these things. I'll be able to do them one day without worrying. I just need to be patient.

"Hey gorgeous. What'cha doing outside all alone? Someone like me could break your little heart."

**Authors note: sorry for the long wait, this story has lounger chapters than what I usually right so it annoys me sometimes and I give up, and I was grounded but anyways, I hope you liked it! Review!**

**Peace in!**

**Mel Swirls!**


	5. Chapter 4

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 4**

I turned and saw a guy dressed in a suit (not the business type but the fighting type) that left not an inch of skin visible to the human eye. It was completely black except for the silver boots, silver gloves, skull shaped and red X on his chest. He had a black cape and was tall and lean without being lanky. His voice was deep, seductive and sarcastic. He was the stereotypical bad boy with the turn of individualism, general cockyness, intellect and humor, and please don't ask how I could figure that all out with his face hidden behind the mask. All I could guess was that he wore the mask to hide all those things, but he couldn't hide who he was with just a mask and a good act. I wasn't fooled. 

"Hey. Who are you?" I asked and he tipped his head sideways like he had to think about the answer to that question. "Don't really know, sorry babe. Tried to know who I was awhile back, and I only found out who I wasn't. For now though, call me Red X." I nodded and than frowned, "You're on the bad side, aren't you?" I asked and he chuckled. "Sorry gorgeous, I'm on my side." I rolled my eyes and sat down on the grass.

"Aren't'cha supposed to tried to lock me up now? I'm not on the good side." He told me and I tolled my eyes again. "You haven't done anything yet to deserve getting locked up." I pointed out and he looked at me with his head tilted to the left before bending down, pulling his bask up so that you could see his lips and pressing his cold pink lips against mine. "Bye Gorgeous, I'll see ya around." He said when the kiss was over before disappearing.

What just happened?

I swear someone who thought I was going to lock him up just kissed me. There was so much I wanted to ask, but whom could I ask it to? I doubt any of the titans will understand since they were heroes? I really should just move on and forget it. Or at least try, I already have one bad guy clouding the shadows of my mind, I don't need another one.

I got up and walked into the tower. I doubted I was even going to see him any time soon anyways. There was really nothing to worry about and as long as he didn't make a big deal about it when I did see him everything would work out.

I felt myself crash into something- no its someone and immediately I try to take a step back, but his arms were around me trying to keep both of us standing. "Are you ok?" he asked as he unwrapped himself from around me. "Oh I'm fine don't worry about it, I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." I told him as I took a few steps back.

"So are you liking it here?" he asked and my eyes widened, of course I was! There wasn't a reason not to be and _he _hasn't spoken to me in awhile! Maybe just being in this tower full of goodness and purity made him- _"Don't count on it, I wont give up on you." _I sighed out loud and Robin looked at me funny, even through his mask you could see that he was raising an eyebrow, "oh um I really am liking it here, the sigh wasn't like me saying I don't, the tower is really cool!" I quickly cleared that up before awkwardly putting a hand behind my head and scratching the back of my head. "Kool." He told me and we stood awkwardly standing there for a few minutes before I asked, "Can you show me the bad guy profiles?" I asked him and he smiled. "Oh yeah, definitely, fallow me."

I fallowed down the hallways and into an unmarked room, when the door opened, I noted that it was full of shelves for each villain and a few computers on silver tables surrounded by empty plastic starbucks cups. "Wow," Was all I could think to say. Robin moved over to the computer closest to the door and motioned for me to take a seat beside him.

"Ok so to start there's the brother hood of evil, which we defeated awhile ago but there's always a chance of them coming back to life. There's the Brain, Monsieur Mallah, General Immortus and Madame Rouge." I nodded and he went on to explain what they could do, what they did last time and then skipped to another person, but all the information went in one ear and came out the other. It was boring, I didn't understand why he seemed so happy explaining it to me.

"And then there's Trigon, Raven's dad, who she wiped off the face of the earth on her birthday when he was trying to use her to fulfill a prophecy that centered around her being the portal. We actually have no idea where he is or what he's doing but from what Raven tells us he's a demon of all evil, hell she went as far to say as he was evil but I'm not sure." He told me and I raised an eyebrow. When she told me I had the same aura as a demon she once knew, could she have meant that- _"Finish that sentence and I wont let your human soul ever see the surface again." _Some things are better left unsaid I suppose.

"Last but not least is Red X. We aren't sure if he's a good guy or a bad guy, but I do know if it wasn't for me he wouldn't be there." I looked at him with an eyebrow raised as high as it could go. How was it Robin's fault Red X existed? I'm not even going to pretend that makes any sense.

He took a deep breath that sounded suspiciously like a sigh before saying, "There was a villain called Slade, and I was obsessed with beating him, so invented Red X without telling my friends and took a walk on the wrong side of the road for awhile. I almost lost their trust and when I thought I disposed of the suit, it was really just in the hands of a guy just as crazy as me." Wow. Robin was Red X; so the Red X I met outside must have been the Crazy guy he referred to. He didn't seem crazy. Cocky, but not crazy.

"Anyways, tell me about yourself." He said in a curious manner. "Well there's not much to tell." You know, besides the fact that I think your really hot but you could never like me because I'm a ugly little- "I doubt that, you're a um pretty and smart person from as far as I can tell. Kind of mysterious though." My heart stopped. He thinks I'm pretty? Quick! Say something so he doesn't think you're a dolt! "Oh so you aren't mysterious Mister I-wear-a-mask." I say sarcastically and he smiles and laughs. It was beautiful.

"We should go see a movie some time, you're really funny." He said and my heart skipped a beat. "um uh yeah sure of course, um when's good for you?" I asked and he smiled again. "Well Thefts have been down recently so how about Friday?" I nodded and smiled and his only grew. "Cool. See you than, Amelia." He told me before leaving me alone in the room.

Holy shit, I had a date with the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen! _"No you do not." He _told me in an annoyed tone. _You aren't the boss of me. _I thought and as I walked out of the room and into the living room where Beast Boy was playing videogames. I sat down beside him and he flashed me a smile. "Did you uh think about it?" he asked and my eyes widened. I was going to have to tell him it's off because I'm going on a date with Robin. "Um yeah, I'm really sorry but I have to say no." Beast Boy Smiled and laughed, "Ok! Maybe some other time!" He told me in a happy go lucky tone and I smiled at him before looking at the videogame. "Do you wanna' play?" He asked and I smiled and nodded before grabbing a controller.

"You move around with these and the x button is the gas." He told me and I smiled at the fact that he was smiling as wide as I thought possible, "Ok, I don't think I'll be any good." I admitted and he laughed, "Good! I want to be able to beat someone once in awhile!"

We played for a few hours until Cyborg came over and asked us, "Y'all are still up? It's 1 o'clock in the morning, why don't y'all yet some sleep?" I nodded and told Beast Boy to leave the room since this is where I'd be sleeping. When Beast Boy left, Cyborg came over with 2 pillows and a few blankets. "Here ya' go little lady. G'night." I smiled and watched him leave the room before getting under the blankets. All the lights went off and I sighed. One day here with no screw ups. I was on a roll.

I fell asleep with the reassurance that this might not backfire while looking down at all the city lights.

_~In dream~_

"_Amelia, why?" The mysterious Teen Titan leader -my leader- asked as he ripped his mask of, revealing 2 overly emotional, borderline tears dark blue eyes. I took a step towards him and pushed my hair out of my eyes and looked behind me wear Red X stood starring at me expectantly. _

"_I'm sorry, Robin." I told him as I lowered my head so that my hair covering my face. I was ashamed. Robin had tried to help me defeat _him_, but it was Red X who did it in the end. He was the one that helped me. He was my hero. I owed him, but Robin, he was my leader, I betrayed him, I even went against the law to help Red X, I went against the titans, I went against my friends. _

"_No your not. If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place." He told me and I felt my eyes fill with tears to. I didn't want to lose him; he was more loyal than anyone, even when he was angry with me he had stayed next to me in battle. Red X never had that chance because he was the bad buy, supposedly. But he was more of a hero to me than anyone of them. _

"_Listen kid, watch what comes out of your pretty boy mouth." Red X threatened as he wrapped on arm around my waist protectively. "Shut the hell up!" Robin screamed as he glared at me with anger filling his eyes. I know knew why he wore the mask. His eyes expressed his every emotion. Without it, he'd be predictable. _

"_Both of you please!" I yelled as I fell to the cold newly paved road. It was pouring rain, my hair was soaked as well as my clothes and I couldn't take all of this emotion. _

_Than Robin walked away into the shadows. Leaving me cold and wet in the night._

**Authors note: So that was that! Oh, and the dream continues in the next chapter which is why I didn't put "~Dream finished" Or something like that. Anyways I hope you liked it, suggestions welcomed, reviews are nearly required. **

**Peace in!**

**Melanie swirls!**


	6. Chapter 5

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 5**

_~Still in dream~_

_Red X held me close to him in a pathetic attempt to warm me. He noticed that I was shivering and had Goosebumps all over my bare arms. But I was also trembling. I couldn't believe that he left me. All the loyalty, all of it, was it gone?_

"_I need to go after him." I told Red X and he pushed his mask up to reveal his perfect pink lips before kissing me on the lips softly. I wanted him to be able to come with me, I wanted to stay like this forever, I wanted Robin to understand, but I can't always have what I want, that would be wrong. _

_Red X pulled away and pushed his mask back down. "And I know there's no sense in stopping you, gorgeous. Just don't let Chuckles keep ya' away from me too long, ok?" I nodded and ran after Robin as fast as good._

_~End of dream~_

My dream was ended short by an obnoxious ringing sound -like an alarm- going off.

I quickly jumped off the couch and ran to my bag, before walking into the bathroom to get dressed in black skinny jeans and a black tank top with my converse before walking back to the common room and joining the rest of the titans around the computer screen.

"Anybody mind telling me what's going on?" I asked and Raven shot me an annoyed glare, but Robin just turned around. "Trouble." He stated before looking back at the computer screen. "It's Red X, at the university lab. Titans, Go!" Robin screamed before they all ran out.

Starfire noticed I wasn't coming and asked about it and I gave her a funny glare, "Well you guys can all fly or have a drive I can't and don't," I told her and she just smiled, "Come friend, I will bring!" She said as she grabbed both my forearms and flew off closer to the university lab, and closer to Red X.

I just hoped whatever happened yesterday between us wasn't going to cause any complications

X.

We ran into the computer lab of the university and saw Red X furiously typing on a keyboard connected to the computer the farthest away from the door. When he noticed us, he got up took a disk out of the computer and held it in front of us, so we could all see the shiny donut shaped CD.

"Do you know what this CD has on it, Kid?" asked Red X as he waved it and Robin just glared at him with an intense gaze. "The blue prints to your tower, and for this suit," He said again with a sneer and I was starting to wonder why it would be on this computer. "You hacked our system?" Cyborg yelled angrily as Red X just nodded. I could tell he was smiling beneath that mask. "Man, you hacked my system! I can't believe you hacked my system!" He shouted angrily before pointing his arm, which was now a cannon of some sort, at Red X in fury.

Red X just chuckled before opening his free palm at him, and a red X (Go figure) came out and stuck to the part where whatever came out of the cannon, came out of the cannon. He than threw another one at Cyborg, wrapping it around his body so he could no lounger move.

Raven incased him in a dark aura and he chuckled once again before taking a red x from his belt while saying, "This is for you sunshine," before throwing it and it getting stuck on her mouth so that she could no lounger chant the words "Azerath Mentrion Zinthos," And by the way she was reacting, I was going to go out on a limb and say that this wasn't the first time he's used this tactic.

Robin tried to kick him, but Red X grabbed his foot before it could touch him, flipped Robin over, and threw him against a row of computers. Which temporally made it so that he couldn't fight.

Starfire threw a bunch of starbolts at him and he just snickered. "Wrong move, cutie," He said and my heart skipped a beat. He just called her a cutie, does that mean he was lying when he called me gorgeous? I didn't even want to think about it.

When I focused back on the fight, everybody, including Red X was starring at me. I didn't know why, and I didn't want to figure it out, but than I blinked and everything was different.

The way I saw everything in the room wasn't normal, it was like an entire white light covered them and this was all I could see now. Like a thin layer of something was coated over my vision and made everything glowing and weird.

I raised my hand and saw the tips of them glowing, white, pure, unexplainable white. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, and I was thankful when Red X to this opportunity to wrap Starfire in a red x, teleport beside Beast Boy and wrap him in another red x, and teleport behind me. And I knew he was behind me because I could feel his breath on my neck. "Sorry gorgeous, I don't want to do this, but I have to make it look real for Chuckles over there." He whispered quietly enough that I'm sure no one heard him before wrapping me in a red x, which felt like some extremely strong red goo-like tape and saying, "Don't know what you do, gorgeous, but I can't have it ruining my plans."

He threw a red x at Robin, who was just managing to get up before letting the light shine off the CD, that he stilled had in his hand before pressing the x on his belt and teleporting away.

What just happened?

I was still seeing the world through a white glow, and soon heat overcame me and the x I was wrapped in disappeared. _"Be thankful that I can use my gifts to help you and the pathetic titans." He _told me and I took a deep breath and decided not to question his motives and just accept the help. I didn't want to have to deal with what happened so many years ago.

I walked over to Robin and let my fingertips trace the x before watching it dissolve starting from where I traced it. I did it to the rest of the titans, and they all looked at me in amazement. Raven was the first to break the silence with one word of astonishment;" Wow,"

I looked around and took a deep breath. The next little while, I guessed, was going to be very awkward.

"So, is it too early to go out for pizza?" asked Beast Boy as we head out the university doors. "What is it with you and pizza?" Raven asked in her typically normal gloomy tone and Beast Boy just flashed her a huge smile, "It's tasty, and we always go out for pizza!" He told her as he ran towards the pizza parlor, which was conveniently just down the street.

When we got their, Beast boy and Cyborg were bickering over what kind of pizza they were going to get, and they settled on a ½ cheese, ½ all meat pizza. I ate a slice or two but my mind was somewhere else while they chatted about things typical teenagers talk about. I was still wondering about Red X. why didn't he want to do it? Maybe he just said that because he knew it would play with my mind! No, actually, he said it with sincerity, and he said it was to convince Robin, or at least, his nickname for Robin.

"Are you ok, Amelia? You just got that faraway look in your eyes that usually means you just got sucked into another dimension in your mind," Beast Boy said and I closed my eyes and began to laugh. It was one of the most idiotic and impossible things I've heard all day.

When I opened them again, I saw all of the titans staring at me. Oh shit, what did I do wrong this time?

"Amelia, are you aware your hair is flying everywhere?" asked Raven with a small mean smile on her features. _What the hell did you do! _I thought as loud as I could, I wanted him to think I was screaming. _"Making sure they know you have no control so they can leave you quicker than before." _He explained in an annoyed and amused tone. _Why would you do that? _I thought again and this time, I swear I heard him chuckle in my mind, and it bounce off of every edge and corner, it echoed. _"I thought we already were already over that." _I wanted to strangle him, and the Starfire must have noticed my inner battle, for she flew over the table and stood beside me with a hand on my shoulder and said, "I think I will bring friend Amelia home."

Robin nodded and she grabbed my hand before flying towards the titans tower. She looked at me with care in her eyes and said, "What was wrong, friend Amelia?"

And oh how I wished I could have answered that question myself.

**Authors note: So that was that chapter, I'm sorry for the 10 or 9 day wait, but I was really busy! Anyways please review; they always make me smile even if they don't say a lot, thanks! Hope you liked it!**

**Peace in!**

**Mel Swirls!**


	7. Chapter 6

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 6**

Starfire brought me to the titans tower while chatting away about something with no importance. It was funny how no matter how many bad guys she fights and defeats, she'll always be the most naïve person I have ever met. Though I'm guessing that what made you remember she wasn't from here, the complete and total innocence.

She flew me into the common room where she told me to pick my clothes up and to fallow her. I fallowed her through the dark hallways that were barely light before we stood in front of a black door with my name on it in a silver-like grey.

"Is this my room?" I asked excitedly. I've never been in one of the titan's rooms. I wanted to see what they looked like, and I was glad that I wouldn't have to sleep on the couch any more, it was quite uncomfortable. "Yes it is! Open the door, friend Amelia!" She replied just as excitedly and I slid the door open carefully.

I peered inside and tried to take in the sight that was in front of me.

The walls were lime green with black lines starting and ending anywhere. The carpet was a light and faded blue and there was one giant window that was overlooking the water, landscape as well as the city. There was a bed with a white bed frame that looked like something you'd get off ikea with striped green, orange and blue blankets and sheets. There was also a white desk with a purple and lime green polka dotted lamp. There was a wooden dresser with a giant mirror, but there was a giant crack through the middle of it. There was also a white door half open leading to the bathroom.

"I hope this will be good for you." She said with a smile as she looked around with wide emerald green eyes. "Good? Starfire, it's awesome!" I told her as I dropped my stuff, jumped into the bed, and squirmed under the covers. They were extremely soft and fluffy.

"Great! Perhaps later you would like to go to the center of shopping with Robin and I?" she asked and I nodded with a huge grin on my face. "Of course I would! Come wake me when you want to go!" I informed her and she grinned before flying out of my room and shutting the door softly. I immediately closed my eyes and closed off the rest of the world. Since I was here, well, things have been getting better, it's amazing, I never thought they could ever get better, but here I am, in a amazing room, surrounded by 4 people (I'm not counting Raven because I'm 99% sure she hates me) who like me! I've never been surrounded by this many people before who actually think I'm interesting and might want to be my friend! I feel like a 6yr old who just shared their lunch with someone so that they could finally have their new best friend.

I closed my eyes and let myself be overtaken by sleep with the words that _he _spoke that only I could hear ringing in my head; "Don't let it get to you."

X.

I woke up with a soft knocking on my door.

"Come in?" I called with sleep filling my every word and watched as Robin walked in with a small but meaningful smile on his features.

"Well I have a few things I want to tell you." He stated and I nodded while wiping the sleep from my eyes, "go ahead. ask away." I told him and he smiled. "Well one, I was told to tell you we're leaving for the mall." He said with a smile and I nodded while slipping my 2 legs out of the bed. "And 2 I was kind of wondering why your picture and name is on 'missing' posters." He told me while he raised a poster with an older picture Rayne and I sitting on the couch. I had my nose in a book while she was smiling widely while striking a pause. There was an arrow pointing to me as well as a circle around me with my name written on the top plus my home address, number, school and my mom's email.

All I could do was stare at the posters before I slowly slipped off the bed and walked up to Robin, still staring at the picture intensely. I reached out and ripped it from his hands before holding it tighter in my hands then I've ever held anything before. Even tighter then that time when I was 7 and- _"What a brilliant day." He _said in a dark voice and I wished for the hundredth time that he was in front of me so that I could punch him in the face. I wanted to live my life! It's my life! Not his! Why does he have to always ruin everything!

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in attempt to shut his voice off and maybe concentrate on my own thoughts.

"I should call my mom," I told him softly and he snorted and laughed, it was the cutest thing I've ever seen or heard in my life. He was so adorable. "You think? Some old lady asked if we kidnapped you, I wasn't sure what I had to tell her!" He said as he stopped to laugh while passing me a phone. "Just tell her what you're doing, where you are and how she can reach you," He told me and I looked at him straight in the eyes when I realized she'd make me go back home, and live with _him _infiltrating my mind and hanging around without my permission. "I don't want her to be able to contact me." I told him simply and quietly and he nodded, all humor wiped from his face. "Call anyways just so she stops posting those posters everywhere. We don't need the police telling us we can't fight anymore." He told me and I nodded before dialing her number. Blade was the one to pick up.

"Hello?" She said and I took a deep breath. "Hi, Bitch Queen." I told her and I could tell that beneath Robin's mask he was giving me a look or wide eyes or something that clearly represented surprise.

"Oh hey Goth Whore. Where did the kidnappers take you? Oh whom am I kidding? Why would anybody want to rape you? You're a disgusting lowlife-" I could hear my mom cutting her off in the background telling her to give the phone to her before hearing the rustling of the phone cord and my mother saying, "Thank Heavens, Amelia! You're alright!" I took a deep breath and smiled at the fact that my mom really cared about me. "Yeah, I just needed to get away for awhile, to find who I really am and rid me from what I need to forget," I told her, and it wasn't that faraway from the truth. I did need to find myself, I did need to get away from that hell and there was quite a few things that I needed to forget. 

"Are you talking about what happened when you lived with your father? Has he been talking to you? Honey don't listen to anything he says, he's just a mean bitter fool." She told me and I rolled my eyes at how my mom still wanted me to have nothing to do with my father. She said he was a horrible influence on us. "That's not quite what I'm talking about and I know, Mom, I haven't forgotten anything you've told me. I promise." I heard her sigh in relief and I smiled. She worked herself up for no reason. She was a really nice person and I felt bad that she was given me as a daughter, because I'm not exactly exemplary.

"Good. Anyways where are you staying? It's not some sleazy motel is it? Because if it is I can put money in your bank account so that you can pay for a better place to stay. Do you have enough food? Are you sleeping alright?" She bombarded me with all these questions and I was taking aback about how much she cared about me. It made me feel good knowing she'd always be there for me, even when I knew she took Blade's side most of the time. "Don't worry, Mom. I'm staying with the Teen Titans. There's nothing to worry about. I promise to be good." I smiled as she went on and on about how she wanted me to come home soon and how she missed me before hanging up and smiling at Robin.

"Moms," I told him with a smile and an eye roll and he returned the smile before leading me out of the tower and towards the mall.

The mall, if you can even call it that, was this giant shopping center in the middle of town which maybe a thousand shops in it. We spent the rest of the day trying on clothes, most of which Starfire bought for both of us so that we had something new to wear, eating pretzels and popcorn while joking around. Of course we had to change clothes first because you can't exactly where heroes outfit in the mall, so Robin changed into worn skinny jeans, and a tight black tee shirt paired with black converse, whereas Starfire was wearing a dark blue jean miniskirt, knee high brown boots, and a bright purple halter top. Robin, no surprisingly, was still wearing his mask, while Starfire was smiling and showing everything the same amount of enormous interest.

When we walked back to the tower it was only 8 o'clock at night but every light was off with the exception of Raven's room and the common room. We walked inside the common room to find Raven in purple plaid pajamas pants and a black tank top glaring at Cyborg and Beast Boy who were obviously making a lot of noise.

"What did we miss?" Asked Robin as he took in the scene in front of us.

"Ask those two!" Raven said in an abnormally high-pitched voice for her before storming out of the room angrily. Robin looked at Cyborg and Beast Boy who just gave 2 "I-don't-even-know-man" shrugs before running after.

**Authors Note: I'm sorry for not updating! I was sick and grounded and these chapters for this fanfic are just generally harder because their lounger then what I usually write. Anyways, for those of you who don't know, I have like, 2 other teen titans fanfics, and you should go check them out, after you review! Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think!**

**Peace in!**

**Mel Swirls!**


	8. Chapter 7

**Authors note: I know, I usually do one of these at the end but I have a perfectly reasonable excuse for not updating sooner. That's right, SCHOOL!**

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 7**

The silence filled in the empty cracks that no one wanted to fill with words, but soon enough Beast Boy piped up, "Why does she have to be so moody all the time!" We all turned are heads and saw an angry green hero exit the same way Raven did, in a general angry and annoyed fashion.

"What happened?" Robin asked Cyborg and almost immediately Cyborg put his hands up in the arm defensively, "We didn't do anything, BB and me were arguing when Rea came down here and yelled at us because we weren't be quiet enough." He explained and I rolled my eyes, it sounded like the fights Blade and I used to have. I'd try to be sleeping and she'd be blaring the TV or something so I'd run downstairs and yell at her and mom would always yell at me for being mean because Blade was _so _perfect that she just _had _to believe everything she said, still, the memory of home gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.

"And she got that angry about it?" Robin asked in a confused tone and Cyborg just nodded, "yeah, I guess something had to be on her mind," I looked at the door that 2 members had stormed out of and an unsettling feeling washed over me, _"Raven doesn't like you, you know? She doesn't want to help you, she wants to trick you, remember that," He _told me and I found myself why he was warning me. Maybe he was afraid of Raven?

"I think someone should check on Raven," I said skeptically and Robin nodded as he walked towards the door, "that's just what I was going to go do," he announced before fallowing after her, leaving Starfire looking half disappointed and half relieved.

Cyborg shook his head before fallowing Robin out, "G'night y'all," he said, obviously annoyed that he isn't having any fun and was probably not allowed to torment BB until the next day, it make me smile but I think I might have confused Starfire by doing so.

The more seconds that went by, the more I found it was getting awkward, so I decided it was probably for the best if I went to my room right about now, I didn't want to waste any time making anybody who likes me right now hate me, that would be bad, so I walked to the door and yelled, "G'night!"

I walked into my new room before lying on the bed, only to realize I really wasn't tired because of all that sleeping I did earlier, so I grabbed my poetry book and opened it where my bookmark was to find a torn and folded loosesleave was tucked within the book. I quickly snatched it to unfold the words writer and a messy and almost unreadable handwriting within it. It said;

_**Dear Beautiful,**_

_**Guess who? Yeah, it's me. Hope I didn't hurt ya earlier, I didn't mean to if I did, and if I didn't hurt ya then that last part wasn't all that important. Anyway meet me at the rooftop at midnight, don't be late, and Beautiful, don't let Chuckles find us, M'kay? **_

_**Love ya,**_

_**~Take a freaking guess. **_

I put the page down and looked at the clock. It was almost 10:30, which left me way too much time to myself, not that I don't like being by myself, but now I had to wait for Red X…Wait a second how did Red X even get into the tower? Let alone now that I was going to open my poetry book? And how did he now where my room is?

"Well you please-stop-thinking." Raven said as she marched into my room with her arms messaging her scalp. I folded my note from Red X and put it on my bed before walking towards her slowly, trying to figure out why she was acting so much like… like a girl PMSing.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked upfront, realizing if I didn't ask, she was going to tell me, and all my question did was make her stare at me with her bright violet eyes. "You already know." She told me as she shook her head and let her eyes go back to normal and not show as much of her emotions, while I just narrowed mine and shook my head, "No I really don't." I told her in a questioning tone. I wanted to know what was up with her.

"He's in you, or controlling you, or maybe he was reborn in you, but you are bringing him back to this world, she told me emotionlessly while she gave me this look that held so much blame that I had to force myself not to look away. The pale, smooth skinned girl now had bags forming under her eyes, and the redness that made it look like she just cried. Raven, was obviously suffering.

"_I warned you that she was delusional. She doesn't know what she's speaking of. She wants you out of her friend's lives. She doesn't care for you." _ _He _whispered in every angle and open space in my mind. But his voice, it was different. For some reason it was giving me chills down my spine. It was frightening me, and it wasn't even a threat. "…Who am I letting do this?" I asked, almost afraid of what she'd give me as an answer.

"_Do you really want to risk it? Are you really that dumb, Amelia? I always thought you were smarter then that, we could work together, you and I." _I tried to let the words disappear, but it just kept them repeating lounger in my head. Each word bouncing off each wall it his and echoing, leaving me with an endless mind trick.

"…" Raven spoke no words as she starred at me for a few moments with eyes wider then they were earlier, before she turned around and walked out of my room silently. Needless to say, I was standing there watching the door thinking maybe this was some plot to get me caught, but after a few moments, I heard a door close down the hall and I was reassured that she had actually left me alone for the time being.

I turned my head to my clock and read that it was 11:30 and I was completely taken back that a little more then an hour had gone by already.

I looked at my poetry book that was still lying on my bed beside the note. "How did he know that I was going to read my book before midnight?" I asked myself out loud, not expecting any answer but getting one anyway, "Who?"

I turned around to see Robin standing in my doorway with a small smile on his lips and his arms crossed, which made me realize that I had completely forgotten that my door was wide open. And the fact Robin was in my room and heard me say that meant I was going to have to lie.

I hate lying.

"Um, well just one of my old friends left a letter in my poetry book and he was really weird about timings in it." I told him as I laughed nervously and he just narrowed his eyes from beneath his mask and nodded.

He could see through my lie. Why did I have to be such a bad liar?

"Well you should thing about getting to bed. It's late, Melia'." My eyes widened slightly at the nickname Rayne had bestowed upon me. It felt like so long ago, but it hadn't been all that long in reality. "I'll keep that in mind. But don't you forget to get some sleep," I replied and he just smiled at me before walking down the hall.

I ran to my door and made sure it was shut before looking at the time. It was 11:56, so I quickly walked out of my room before climbing up the staircase leading to the roof.

Half of me was so happy to see Red X. That was the part of me screaming in my head, telling me to go slower. But the other half of me, was telling me that I shouldn't go see him, telling me to stay in my room and dropped all contact with him, telling me to go out with Robin and not make things worst with Red X. If only it were that simple.

I walked up to the roof and sat down on the ledge. I was alone, that was the first thing I noticed.

The second thing I noticed is that there was nothing to tell time, so I couldn't tell if I was late, on time or early.

The last thing I noticed was what was right in front of me the entire time. It was watching and I was completely unaware.

**Authors note: I'm sorry for making this chapter shorter then the other chapters. I'll fix that I swear, but I think you should just be amazed I even updated. No, I'm not giving up on this story, I love it too much for that, but I did just start school, and it's been being an asshole, so please review so I have something good in my life and motivation to keep updating this story as fast as I can.**

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**


	9. Chapter 8

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 8**

"Hey gorgeous, sorry I'm late," I heard Red X say from somewhere behind me. I tried to turn around so I was facing him but he caught my head in between his hands and forced it so that it was looking straight in front of me. I could see from the corner of my eyes that he was slightly too tan to be called pale, but not tan enough to actually count as tan. Why wasn't he wearing the suit?

"Why can't I see you?" I whined, knowing full well that it will get me nowhere, but not really caring enough about that fact to let it stop me. "Can't let'cha get away with everything, can I?" he told me as he slipped a black mask over my eyes so that I can't see him.

"Why did you want to meet with me?" I asked curiously when an awkward silence was fitting into place. I was not going to give him any random reason to leave me. I had questions.

"I had to talk to ya', I ain't about to let Chuckles keep ya' on the good side," I rolled my eyes at his response. Didn't he take anything seriously? "How did you know I was going to look in my poetry book?" I asked instead, which made him chuckle. "Well I put one in your poetry book and on your bed. I figured you'd see one of em' before midnight."

There was a note on my bed?

"When I got in my room… There wasn't… I didn't see a…" I was having trouble stringing words together. This was not good. Could this have been what Raven was going on about? Oh hell, does she know about this? Or worst, did Robin find it? Or worst then that, did Cyborg and Beast Boy find it and then show it to Raven and Robin? "Wasn't a note?" he finished for me and I nodded while looking to my left, but he pushed my face to the right before saying, "I'm over here, gorgeous." I found my anger rising. Wasn't he worried? Didn't he care at all? I could be in deep shit now!

"Aren't you worried at all?"

"Aren't ya' a bit too worried?"

My level of anger raised more before he grabbed my hand. "Hey, gorgeous, don't worry about it, I've got it covered." I rolled my eyes from beneath the mask despite the fact he couldn't see me eyes before saying, "Yeah, you better fix it, because I'm not getting kicked out of the teen titans on my second day."

I could hear him chuckle before he touched my cheek "Hey gorgeous, take no offense to this, but you aren't a hero," my heart skipped a beat, and not in the good way.

I. Wasn't. A. Hero? Then what was I?

"Hey, gorgeous, I know I can't see your eyes and all, however I can tell you're starring into space," He told me which immediately made me eyes widen. Oh god had it been that obvious?

"Don't worry, you'd be a much better bad guy. The heroes always take things from other people and deprive themselves of things, it isn't any fun, though it's a pretty goddamn important role to learn how to play." He told me in a voice that was obviously being deprived of laughter for the moment, despite that fact, I was curious as to why he would say that. I get that he's a bad guy – the villain – but I don't think it's normal behavior for him to diss good guys, and he's saying it as if he once was a good guy, but he was Red X – _the _Red X – why the hell would he experiment with the line that divides good from evil?

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him when I realized that I couldn't think of any half intelligent retort. If I'm going to be a hero, I'd have to work on that.

"Heroes think their doing the world this huge favor, but they don't _care _about what the world thinks or feels, you gorgeous, are quite different then that. You know how it feels to be on the wrong side of the leash." He explained before letting go of my hand. I could hear him stepping a few steps away. Was he leaving me?

"Are you leaving?" I asked and I heard him chuckle, "nothing gets passed ya', does it, gorgeous?" he told me and I rolled my eyes before waiting for a real answer. Moments passed and I realized I wasn't going to get one, so I pushed the eye mask off my eyes so that it was hanging around my neck loosely before looking around.

Once again, as far as I could see, I was alone. Which meant that Red X had left me. Wow. He isn't one for long good byes.

I looked around and stared out at the water. I wondered what this place looked like in winter, and if I'll ever be here long enough to know. I need to be here. I need to banish _him _from my mind. I needed peace, and to get that, I needed to be hear… Why though? Why does getting _him _to leave me alone revolve around the idea or staying a titan?

I knew the answer to that as soon as I asked myself the question. I needed to stay here because 1) it was away from my family and 2) Raven was here, and she knows something… I just need to get her to tell me what she knows, which is a lot harder then it seems.

I sighed before getting up and walking through a dark tower into my room. Cyborg must have shut all the lights off, but I was insanely confused as to why they didn't lock the doors, but I decided not to question it and just go to bed.

I crawled under the blankets before shutting my eyes. I was feeling nervous, and even though Red X had promised that nothing would happen, I was completely afraid that he'd frig up. I needed to get away from him. I needed to be a good guy.

I had to avoid him. And leave him. And never talk to him. Or see him. Or touch him. Or think of him. Or mention him. I needed to get away from him.

I didn't have doubts in what I was doing until Red X came along, and he doesn't even trust me enough to show me his real face! Why should I trust a man who doesn't trust me? I shouldn't, that's the problem I guess.

I shouldn't talk to him, or meet with him, or see him, or want to be next to him. What I needed to do was forget about him. Maybe I could replace him with Robin… 

And then what?

What happens when Robin realizes he's second best? What happens when I realize I wont be happy with Robin? What happens when Robin loses interest in me? Let's face it; I'm not all that pretty and Robin could do a thousand times better then me. He could get a decent girl with a real attitude and no stupid freaking voice-whispering things in her mind! He could get someone normal if he wanted to, but Robin's not normal either so maybe he won't – I'm ranting. I need to stop. I need to sleep.

Go to bed Amelia.

I forced my eyes shut and tried my best to keep all thoughts from my mind. I needed a clear mind, and I needed sleep.

I couldn't tell you how much time passed before I heard a knock at my door.

My first thoughts were wondering why someone would be knocking on my door this late at night. I had yet to fall asleep and someone was knocking on my door, but when I opened my eyes, the sun shining in from the window told me that I was completely wrong. It was morning, probably 10 or 11, and I didn't get any sleep. Well this is just _great. _

"_You won't sleep at night until you give into me. You are just a mortal; you weren't made to operate at night." He _told me and I tried my best to ignore it.

"Melia'? Cyborg and Beast boy made lunch, so if you want to get up for that then you should probably get dressed and stuff," Called Robin's voice from the other side of my door. I took a deep breath before slipping my feet out of the blankets. "Melia', Can I come in?" He asked and I sighed, "Yeah, sure, come in, I look like crap though," I told him and I watched him come in.

"You slept in your clothing?" He asked (though he said it more like a statement) and I nodded, "Yeah I did, I guess I forgot to change," I told him as I tried to pull off a laugh, but my voice just cracked half way through making it sound incredibly stupid.

"Is something wrong?" He asked me and I felt the tips of my thin lips turn upwards in a smile. He's just as straightforward as ever. "I'm just really tired," I told him and he tipped his head sideways.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, well it's just funny because that's what Raven said you'd be,"

**authors note: Wow. I'm sorry im so bad at updating. And im sorry this chapter royally sucks. And I'm sorry my mind isn't on track at the moment. I've literally been going to bed at 9 o'clock (I usually go to bed at like 1 in the morning) and getting up at 6 in the morning (that's when I usually get up on school days) For the last 4 days and my body has decided to not make use of that valuable sleep. Please review!**

**Peace in!**

**Melanie Swirls!**


	10. Chapter 9

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 9**

"Raven Said I was going to be tired?" I asked, completely unsure of what I just heard. Inside, my mind was panicking. Raven knew way too much. I think I need to talk with her.

"Yeah, weird right? She also said you were up late last night and that you had trouble sleeping, so I want you to know that if you're worried about something, that you're allowed to talk to me, alright?" he told me, I small smile gracing his features and I took a deep breath. I could deal with this.

"I know, Robin, I'll keep that in mind. Anything else?" I asked, partially wishing that he'd just leave my room so I could try to get some sleep, partially wishing Raven would have kept her big mouth closed so that I wouldn't have to worry about going back to bed and looking suspicious.

"Yeah actually, Cyborg made breakfast, so if you like sausage, bacon and pancakes, then you should come eat," He said with a smile before quickly walking out of the room, I heard him yelling something like "Hey Cyborg! You aren't allowed to eat it all!" When he got to the other end of the hall and I took a deep breath before getting up from the bed.

At the exact moment, I noticed how much my ankles hurt and just how wobbly I was today, with this being said, I'd like to blame those two things on the fact that the minute I stood up, I fell flat on my ass and let out a rather loud "_**Ow**_, shit that hurt."

So I grabbed unto the desk and tried to steady myself, only to fail miserably and let out a loud sigh.

"Robin!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, hoping to catch his attention but after a few minutes of waiting, I noticed that he probably hadn't heard me. Fuck.

"Beast Boy! Starfire! Cyborg! Robin! Raven!" I yelled repeating the last one as an after thought, she did hate me, yes, but she probably didn't want me dead or hurt. She probably just had some major plan in which I needed to be alive for it to work… That's what all the bad guys in the movies have, right?

I waited and then sighed once again when I realized that nobody at all could hear me, and that I was going to have to manage to find a way to get to the living area from my bedroom without making my ankles sorer.

I looked around the room in vain in hopes of finding something that could help me. The situation was actually kind of depressing me. I didn't understand why I couldn't just have gotten up this morning with absolutely nothing wrong with me, but of course, I couldn't have that, no, instead, I had to have these weird looking- hey what the hell is up with that thing on my ankles?

I sat on the floor and moved my foot up so it was resting on my thighs and looked at the black pulsing – does it even count as ink?- design that seemed like it was spreading, not very quickly mind you, but just fast enough for me to notice.

It felt like something- is it like a bug or like a parasite or something?- was crawling under my skin, and no matter how much I itched it, it did nothing. After awhile, I was itching my now-red ankle so much that the skin broke and blood was released.

Blood.

Normally, when I see blood and I'm not on my period, it's because I was in pain but at this point in time it didn't hurt at all. There was no pain, or at least, I didn't feel any pain, however it did itch much more then it should, and I could still feel something squirming under my skin, something that I knew couldn't have been good.

"_Stop itching it, do so and I shall take control once again, and I will not hesitate to do so, so I do not think it'd be wise to test my patience."_

The minute I heard his voice I realized what the black pulsing design was.

It was _him_. This was what it looked like to have him growing inside of you, and this is what happened when you didn't get rid of _him _quick enough. Disgusting really, if you think about it, actually, you didn't even need to think about it; the mere fact that _he_'s settled in my body and is now growing inside of me was repulsing. I was only thinking about it and I thought I wanted to throw up.

I quickly jumped up of the floor and ran to the living area ignoring the pain that was crawling up my back from the back of my legs.

I ran through the doors and watched as everybody else turned their heads and starred at me, temporarily staring at me like I was the one that needed to be locked behind big white cushiony walls.

"Dude, what's your problem?" asked Beast Boy when he figured out that he had turned his head too soon and lost his videogame battle against Cyborg, who was smiling in triumph while looking at me.

Oh shit, attention.

Raven just looked up from her book, took one good look at me before shutting it, placing it to the side and walking over towards me slowly. Tension started growing the minute she shut her book and I was afraid of what she might do or say.

I waited to be slapped or punch or yelled at or something creepy/angry when all Raven did was sit on the floor and let her left hand reach out and hold my ankle while the right one was poking and stroking it, obviously trying to figure out what it was.

"…"

Nobody dared make a sound when Raven got up and walked out of the room mumbling something about a prophecy. I knew that personally, I was getting annoyed with this kind of stuff and I didn't want to have to deal with any more of her shit and instantly wanted to punch her in the face. I was angry over – nothing – something that was obviously important.

"Amelia, are you okay?" Asked Robin as he walked over, put his arm around me and lead me to the couch before forcing me to sit down.

I watched as Starfire busied herself around her new kitchen creation and Cyborg and Beast Boy took a bite of food before playing another round. I needed to come up with an answer quick. I knew I wasn't really okay, I never had been and I never will be, but I was kind of curious if I were okay by my own terms… I didn't think I was, and the fact that every inch of my body was screaming that I wasn't okay, even by my own terms frightened me. Scared. The emotion flew passed me just as quick as it came, but it was still just as intense and made me want to cry.

"I'm…" I stopped, wondering if I can explain all that I just thought into something like 2 sentences and make it easy for them to understand. When I realized that it couldn't be done, I took a deep breath and shook my head and before pointing a shaky finger at my ankle.

Robin let his thumb rub up against it like he was afraid to touch it before examining it and coming up with no conclusion. He had a face even more puzzled then me.

I sighed after I realized that he couldn't se it, but he could goddamn feel it.

And then I decided it was better not to come up with random accusations/assumptions when a giant black spider falls onto one of your friends.

**Authors note: SO that was that, I'm sorry for the excruciatingly long wait, it was a long time, I'm aware and I'm sorry that I've 1. gotten a life, 2. been having worst headaches, 3. attempted in getting more sleep 4. Writer's block and 5. ummmm well I cant thing of a number five but screw it, we'll pretend this counts.**

**Anyways im sorry this isn't as long as it usually is, this is actually how long my normal fanfics are so yeah lol**

**Peace!**

**Melanie Swrirls**


	11. Chapter 10

**What is and never should be**

**Chapter 10**

"Beast Boy!" I screamed as loud as I could, my voice hoarse as the mechanical spider grabbed him and spun him into a web in a matter of seconds, before merely touching Cybrog's back, which caused Cyborg to disapear.

This was not good.

Robin jumped up, forgetting me compeletely before attempting to fight the spider with Starfire's help, Raven was still nowhere ot be found.

Which is when someone wearing bulky black gloves grabbed onto my arms and everything around me went blue.

Litterally, if blue had a smell... or a taste... I would have been tasting/smelling it, and blue was all I could see. And I couldn't tell you what kind of blue it was, since it seemed to be navy and baby blue all at once. If blue could have manifested to an area, without just being one shade of blue, that's what it would have looked like. I was litterally experiencing the colour blue.

And I hated it.

The blue, it was so sickingly sweet it made me want to gorge my eyes out. It was like a fairytale in a colour. Before this I would have always thought that it would have been pink, but I guess pink isn't as plastic as it's all cracked up to be. Guess pink isn't as bad as blue.

After a few moments, the colour blue started to have specks of what I guessed was what the world around me looked like, and when the blue completely disapeared, I found myelf in a completely empty Movie Theatre, the movie V For Vendetta playing on the screen despite the fact it came out long before today, I know because it was mother's favorite movie.

I looked around me and saw a man wearing Red X's costume, minus the mask. I kept asking my self why someone would impersonate Red X when it occured to me that it was Red X.

My eyes widened and I took a few moments to memerise every line on his face.

The first thing that caught my attention long enough for me to notice it, was his dark forest green eyes that were orange towards the outside. They were captivating and seemed to go on forever, but flat at the same time. As if he wanted to tell but no one ever asked.

His hair was a light brown with a tinge of red here and there. He had what looked like they were once, straight front bangs, but not fall messily in front of his eyes, ending unevenly at his nose. His lips were plump and a soft pink and he was tanner then one would have thought he's be, with a strong jaw and a small nose.

I was mesmerized by his looks that I actually forgot about the current situation, that is, until he snapped his fingers in front of my face wth impatience.

"Gorgeous, you can stare after we get _him _out of you." He said as he poked my forehead hard enough for it to hurt.

_"Walk away."_ _He_ commanded and I ignored him. If Red X could help me, then I was damn well going to accept his help. _Why would I? If he can get rid of you, then you're gone! _I thought as I walked towards him intently listening to what he was about to say.

"There's a demon called Trigon inside of you. He's using you as his portal into this world, which is then going to destroy with you in it. He tried this twice already. Once with you, when you were younger, but you fought him and another time with Raven, when he got in and the Teen Titans beat him." He explained and I listened to every word, trying very hard to absorb all this new information.

_"Ignore him. I will force you to kill him if it's neccesary."_

"How do you know?" I asked skeptically. He was a villain after all, how did I know he wasn't just trying to ger information I didn't know about the titans? How did I know he wasn't just going to try to use me?

"When all the world was frozen and under Trigon's power, all time stopped, I was able to move around and watch, and gorgeous, what I watched wasn't pretty. Afterwards, Trigon wsas banished and a part of who he was got stuck in me, since I wasn't frozen. Not even a few months ago, he tried to get here through me, and I had to do this to not let him," He told me as he pulled up a bit of his costume top revealing millions of butter knife size swords.

"I needed to get stitches, a blood donation and surgery afterwards to survive, but he was gone, and now, I have to help you get rid of them so you don't resort to something worst." He said as he pulled his mask back over his face and fixed his clothing.

"Alright, first step is-"

Nothing. Since there was no first step nor a last step, since after that, I was lost.

**Authors note: This isn't the end of the story, shes just unconcious, anyways I have a facebook group now! Link is bellow! Please join 8D**

**Link (remove spaces: **www. facebook. com / # ! / pages / Melanie- Swirls / 142009555859454

**Question Of The Day: What is your favorite band?**

**Peace!**

**Melanie Swrirls**


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